Some thoughts about College

I don't even know why I'm writing this, knowing that no one will ever read it. I guess it's a kind of self help I guess...just writing my thoughts down. I really really want to go to college.... Emily Carr of Art and Design to be exact. I feel maybe scared? I don't know. Whenever the thought of college bubbels up in the back of my head I can't help but wonder what will happen? Me...alone....in Canada...not even living on campus? It's so overwhelming. Right now school seems like the hardest thing in the world, but I can't help but wonder how college will feel like? Will I be happier because I'll be surrounded by people that are more like me? Will I hate it? How can I even risk putting so much money and 4 years of my life into something without ever being there? I mean...what if I get there and I don't like it? Also what if I don't even get accepted? I can't believe that in less then a year I will have to face all of these decisions. Decide what to do with whom where? Why does all of this have to be so confusing! On the other hand I want to get a scholarship so badly....I try so hard to get better, but there's always someone in front of me, and that brings me down. All of my friends have better grades than me and are more involved in clubs and stuff. I simply can't imagine how they must feel? If college is really going to be much trouble I'm not even sure if I should do it...or should i? I mean it will be so weird. From one day to the next I'm going to have to find a roommate...someone who I completley trust who I am going to live with under a roof. All of this changes too fast, and it's seriously starting to scare me! School seems like the biggest thing right now, as if nothing else matter. Friends are the ones I want to stay together with. And now that all of these "last" things are happening: Last Thanksgiving Dinner in School. Last Christmas...Oh god... LAST CHRISTMAS WITH THE PEOPLE I HAD IT ALL MY LIFE WITH! I usually don't care about this kind of stuff, but in the last days I've been getting more and more emotional about things like these, and it's frustrating. I wish I wouldn't care about them, but I do....and it's starting to scare me. How many times have I repeated myself? I have no idea... I just know I want this feeling to go away! This feeling of uncertainty.

/teenage angst :(